Spinal Surgery

I had my spinal surgery on September 10th.  I had a 12 day stay in the hospital and got home just yesterday.  I have a 6 inch long incision on my lower back, as well as a small incision for the lumbar drain.  Surgery went well and lasted a little over 4 hours.  This was much faster than expected.  My surgeon said that the tumor has eaten through the dura (tissue that encloses the spinal cord and keeps the spinal fluid (CSF) from leaking out) on both sides.  They removed a lot of the tumor which was tethering my spinal cord.  During surgery they do something called neural monitoring.  Basically the hook up electrodes to your nerves and monitor them during surgery to see how responsive they are, and to make sure they don't do any damage to the nerves.  I had a 300% increase in the communication to my nerves in my legs as soon as they detethered my spinal cord.  To me this was such a blessing.  We went ahead with surgery in hopes that we would be able to save my legs and cause less damage than daily life was causing.  We both feel that this surgery has already been a success because of that increased nerve communication. 
Due to the fact that I no longer had any dura around the tumor, the surgeons had to recreate some for me.  I have 8 layers of synthetic tissue placed in the area of the tumor as well as some of my own muscles in hopes that they will all fuse together properly and not leak any CSF.  Because of all the synthetic layers the surgeons wanted to drain off small amounts of CSF so that there would not be too much pressure in my spinal canal after sewing me up.  They placed a small catheter in my spine and taped it to my back.  They left the drain in for a little over a week so that things could heal up without pressure.  Unfortunately this drain meant that I had to lay completely flat for they entire time it was in my back.  You can only lose so much CSF before it causes major problems.  The first few days they wanted to drain off 10cc every 2 hours, and then as time went on, drain 20cc every 2 hours.  They placed the drainage bag at a typical height and let things go.  I started to get severe headaches and they noticed that I had drained 60cc in 40 minutes.  What followed was the most severe headache I have ever experienced.  I had what is called a low pressure headache and it literally felt like my head was about to implode.  I have only had pain at that level once before in my life, and that was when I was in labor with Jeffrey and each contraction was pushing on my deformed spine that was not fused together properly.  The poor nurse could only give me morphine (which causes some people to have headaches) which did nothing to take away the pain, or hydrocodone (which had to be alternated with the morphine so I only got minimal relieve every 6 hours).  After 24 hours they were finally able to find a pain medication that worked for me and I was finally able to fall asleep.
Things got better after that first day, and I was able to get the pain under control.  Over the course of the next week I was only able to roll from side to side or lay on my stomach.  I never realized how difficult things can be when you are not able to lift up your head and have to lie down.  Every simple task was very difficult while laying down.  Most food is not designed to eat while laying on your side or stomach.  We had to learn to be creative and Rob was very good to feed me.  Eating, brushing my teeth, using the bathroom, scratching my knee, all of these things were a challenge.  Every time I wanted to move I had to call in a nurse who would roll me over and try to make me comfortable.  If I was not comfortable, there was little I could do until a nurse would have time to step in and help me.  I was grateful for the slow return of strength to my legs.  The first day after surgery I could not even lift my foot off the bed.  By the end of the first week I was able to roll myself from one side to the other without help.  It's amazing what we take for granted until it is gone.  I am more thankful than ever before for a healthy and strong body!
When the surgeons stopped draining my CSF, I was allowed to slowly sit up in bed.  This was one of the best feelings!  I was so excited to get my face out of my pillow and to see more than 2 walls.  I had to be careful in sitting up too fast because of the drain on my CSF.  It gave me terrible headaches to sit up and so I had to take things very slow.  When I started sitting up, I started leaking CSF from around the lumbar drain.  After a shot of morphine in the stomach and a few stitches around the drain I was able to sit up again.  The next day I got out of bed for the first time and sat in a chair.  I was out of be and sitting for a few moments when I started getting a severe headache.  We monitored my blood pressure and heart rate.  Turns out my HR was 160 and my BP was rapidly dropping.  I seemed to have orthostatic hypotension.  Basically this means that my body could not maintain my BP when sitting or standing.  I was immediately put back in bed for the rest of the day and told not to sit up.  This was very discouraging at the time, but once again Heavenly Father's hand was in the experience.  I knew I was not going home the next day as planned.  I was finally able to get out of bed when they gave me compressions stockings to keep my blood from pooling in my legs.
Soon after this experience my nurse came in and started chatting with me.  She has a son with a lot of physical disabilities.  We had talked often over the previous week about her life.  That day she told me she was looking for a new church.  We talked a little about the Mormon church and she said she wanted to take her son and see if the Mormon church had what she needed in life.  I was so happy!  Rob had given her a proclamation to the family earlier in the week and she loved it.  We decided to give her a Book of Mormon and she was very grateful.  At this point I felt like it was okay if I stayed a little while longer if it meant that I could help this woman find the gospel.  I had been praying that I could be an instrument in His hands while at the hospital.  I had met many wonderful people who have a lot of hardships in their lives.  Every time I would talk with someone and hear about their struggles, I would think about the gospel and how it was the answer to solve their problems and give them strength to make it through.  I am so grateful for the gospel and all that it has done for me.  As I have gone through a difficult time with my health, I feel the strength the gospel brings to me.  It is my light and my beacon.  I am able to endure this trial because of the gospel, it has made my burden easier to bear.  I don't know what I would do without my faith in Jesus Christ, and my knowledge in His plan.  This trial is temporal and will not last forever.  I know that there is life beyond this mortality and that knowledge makes it seems like this trial will be but a moment, while the lessons learned will be forever.
I am now home and learning how to take care of myself again.  I am currently using a walker, compression stockings, and a back brace.  I know that these things are temporary and I will eventually be back to walking on my own.  It will be a long recovery and progress will be slow, but I am just so happy to be moving forward again.  Prior to surgery it was difficult each day to see myself lose strength and to know that the damage may be permanent.  Now I am even weaker, but I know that each day I get a little stronger and this helps me move forward.